Forums! The Musical

The contest is to make/find any funny joke and post it here.

Rules:

1. One joke per person. You can change it if you make/find a better one.
2. Ends April 1st.

Prize: 1 token of appreciation, given by Calfboy (#1853, my multi)


Edit: the contest was originally to make up a joke and post it here, but that didn't go over so well. So now the contest is to make/find any joke and post it here. I'll grade whichever I think is the best on April 1st, 2010.

Q: How many cowboys does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

A: Just two; Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal.

A blonde looked at her drivers license and got depressed when she saw that she got an "F" in sex.

I thought I'd made this up, but I've been told I didn't. Anyway, it's still funny so enjoy...

How did Darth Vader know what Obi Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents.

Why did gobberwart cross the road? Because he was getting eyed by one smexy pumpkin whose going rate was only 2.25 for initial contact.

Come on people, I want funnier jokes! It's for a token

we suck at jokes

You might suck at jokes', but i don't suck anywhere.

Thats not what I heard macky.

If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea, does the fifth one enjoy it?









Chances are, I didn't make this.

So, its a couple of days before Thanksgiving. The farmer walks out to his field, axe in hand and approaches a large turkey.

He looks the turkey in the eye and says "Turkey, its time to die"

Know what the turkey says?






Nothing Fucker, turkeys cant talk.








yeah, ok, its a lot funnier if, er, well if youre drunk

Folks, the contest has been changed. See top post for details.

Why did the mushroom go to the party..?

because he was a fun-guy!

get it???? heh. i'm telling ya... funny sh*t right there... BOOM for the win

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender calls out, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!"

Grasshopper asks, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Stop me if I've told this one before. And no, I do not want to be considered eligible for the contest. I just love that joke so much.)

So the teacher asked the class to use the word 'beautiful' twice in the same sentence.
Little Suzy raised her hand and said 'The beautiful dress you're weaing makes you look very beautiful.'
The teacher said "Thank you Suzy. Can anyone else use the word "beautiful" twice in the same sentence?'
Little Johnny raised his hand and said 'This morning at breakfast my sister said "Daddy, I'm pregnant", and Daddy said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."'

Heh. One of my favorites.

The Classic Sprayer: All you need is a sink with the dish sprayer attachment (the thing you use for rinsing dishes) and a rubber band. With the water turned off, secure the sprayer in the on position with the rubber band - just wrap it around until it's tight enough to hold the lever down. Aim the sprayer straight ahead and -voila! the next person to turn the water on gets sprayed! Just be sure to remember it's there, or you'll prank yourself!

I don't know if this is what was intended but another one might be....

Salted Coffee: Take your sugar bowl and dump out all the sugar and replace it with salt. Invite that friend of yours over for a cup of joe. Just remember not to "sugar" your coffee.

Now, for an honest to God, I heard this myself, true life story that I find funny...

This woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband told her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." The lady asked, "How do I do it without surgery?"

He says, "Just rub toilet paper between them."( I about choke.)

Startled the woman asked, "How does that make them bigger?"

And her husband answered "I don't know, but it worked for your ass." :mrgreen:

This woman calls the fire department one afternoon in an absolute panic, "What seems to be the problem?" she was asked, "I need help, send someone over immediately!" she exclaims into the phone, "Ma'am what is the emergency, so we know what to send?" they ask her calmly, "There are two naked men climbing a ladder to my bedroom window, send help immediately, please!!" she cries into the phone, "Ma'am, this is the fire department, shouldn't you be calling the police over this?" they ask, puzzled, "I know it's the fire department, I need you to bring a ladder truck, their ladder is too short!" the the woman replies.

one of my favs

First place goes to Grokly, whose joke made me laugh out loud.
Second place goes to Elusis, with his joke about diarrhea.
Third place goes to Fizzbin, with his joke about beautiful.

Grokly said he didn't want to be counted, so the prize goes to Elusis. Congrats! Thanks everyone for posting your jokes.

First place for Steve the grasshopper? Oh man. Oh just... wow.

I should've sent in something classy like "Two men walk into a bar. Boom, boom!" or "Why the long face?" or pretty much anything out of the RCJG.

Gobberwart wrote:First place for Steve the grasshopper? Oh man. Oh just... wow.

I should've sent in something classy like "Two men walk into a bar. Boom, boom!" or "Why the long face?" or pretty much anything out of the RCJG.

Dude. The "Steve the Grasshopper" joke is the funniest joke of all time. Just ask my brother. He tells it at every party!

Of all time!