Ask your doctor if it's right for you.

[jupider]

Okay. So I was just watching Steven Segal Lawman (Which is exceptionally corny while at the same time being extremely awesome) and I once again saw the commercial for the prescription drug AciPhex. And it's really hard to keep a straight face when you're listening to testimonials and side effects of "ass effects" so I came up with a contest idea.

Create the funniest testimonial/side effect/"fine print" line(s) associated with 'AciPhex'

The contest will run about one month.
A winner will be picked by me on or about January 31st solely on how funny I think the entry is.
All non-winning contestants will receive a consolation prize (to be determined at a future time)
You may submit as many entries as you wish, so long as they are all actually funny.
Bribes will not ensure a win (but it wouldn't hurt to try...
Rules may be changed/updated at any time I feel like it.

If more entries than expected are submitted, I may move to a 3-tier prize payout (1st, 2nd, 3rd places)

Have fun

[jimmyBUFFET]

Do we post on this thread or Pmail you in-game?

-jB

[jupider]

You can just post into this thread. A good idea would also be to pmail me (in addition to posting here), seeing as a I have a tenancy to forget things. Like forum stuff.

[jimmyBUFFET]

Well I think the obvious joke is "Side Effects include anal leakage"

-jB

[Diageous]

Side effects may include waking up dead (it's actually a strange feeling to wake up dead)

[commandermack]

I'm a single man, lucky enough to have a tight set of friends... after hours of the same sudden death match on Super Smash Brothers Brawls we like to go out to grab munchies after a bowl. Generally after munchies we get a bad taste of barf and cottonmouth, then we take AcipHex. It's really good to relax with friends and just have AcipHex to stop the silence of wondering what that taste is in your mouth. I mean, I wasn't sure how AcipHex would help my Reflux problems, but my Doctor assured me that AcipHex was a sure fire way to cure any mouth problems. The only side effects (sidipHex) I have experienced was a bit of speed sight followed by an Anaphylactic shock that made the game of Halo 3 look like a game of Twisted Metal... All in all... AcipHex fixed me and my friends up to have one heck of a hot box party.

[Cowboy]

Side effects may include...
diarrheavomitingnauseaabdominalpainsconstipationmeteorismdrymouthincreasedordecreasedappetiteastheniaheadacheanxietysleeplessnessvertigothrombocytopeniagranulocytopenialeukocytopeniaskin eruptionerythemamyalgiaarthralgiaandmuscleorbonepainandinrarecasesdeath

[invisible]

side effects may include...
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun..... that to me screams anal leakage

[jupider]

Hrmm... It seems I wasn't clear enough about what exactly I was looking for. What I want are statements with 'AcipHex' in them, which, when read as 'ass effects', sounds funny:

"I was having real problems after eating until my doctor gave me AcipHex. Now my mouth and throat feel great!" ("...until my doctor gave me ass effects. Now...")

"Some side effects of AcipHex may include bad breath, discolord teeth, etc..." ("...of ass effects may include...")

Okay, so those weren't that funny, but that's why I'm relying on you guys to come up with something pee-your-pants funny.

[Rapthorne]

side effects may include vomiting, prophetic visions, spontaneous human combustion, and a mild case of death

[Gobberwart]

I peed my pants. Will that do?

[Fizzbin]

Warning: May cause ass-hattery, ass-clownery, and ass-imilation.
AciPhex is not to be taken orally. (You *never* go AciPhex-to-mouth)
Do not use AciPhex if you are currently taking medication for migraines, as a cerebro-rectal insertion may occur. A short hospital stay would be required to remove your head from your AciPhex.

[jimmyBUFFET]

FizzWIN.

-jB

[Werecat]

"Since I discovered AciPhex, I'm always on the go."

"My marriage is better now that I've started using AciPhex."